Keeping love alive is the task of both of us, here’s how to do it when the kilometers divide us
Many think long-distance relationships are destined to end. Families don’t encourage them, friends advise not to take them too seriously in case your heart gets broken.
Of course, it is not at all simple: one experiences moments of great solitude, one feels the lack of the other, one becomes more jealous.
But there are also advantages in a long-distance story: for example, small things, small gestures acquire a gigantic value: a caress, a kiss, a laugh, a simple word, everything matters more when the other person lives far away. . Those who have experienced them or those who are experiencing them now know this well.
Here are 20 tips, if you can call them that, to make your story work long or short. But remember that first of all this is needed: sincere love.
1. As grown-ups, you have to make a few agreements
On both sides of a long-distance relationship, you need to have clarity of the other person. Establish small “rules”, so that you know what you are expecting from each other. For example:
- Text your lover every morning.
- Make a skype call on Thursday night.
- Determine if it’s an open relationship or not if you can see other people in the meantime.
In short, anything we want should be put on a list and shared with the other person.
2. Communicate regularly and creatively
Being apart does not allow sharing. Therefore communication, although virtual, is everything. Phone calls, video calls, messages, voice notes, emails, letters sent by post.
Try everything romantic you can, alternate your ways of communicating, create a sort of alternating flow in such a way as to feel less boredom of telecommunications.
The good morning or good night message can become cute little video clips to make the other smile, or sending a postcard with the lipstick kiss can be creative to communicate.
3. Have virtual sex
Sex is the glue that holds two lovers together who risk getting lost. Sexual drives are completely human, and sexual desire makes us feel alive – don’t let distance turn it off.
Although it is often not possible to have a real sexual relationship with your partner because they are distant, you can “fool” the wait with sex texting, webcam sex, and erotic photos.
Communication is important, but at the next step, there is the flame of love that must always be kept alight. Do not be afraid or ashamed to express your wishes, talk about it, find your way to “be together” even when it is not physically possible.
Nothing replaces human contact, the feeling of skin warmth, or a kiss, but the power hidden in dirty talking is not to be underestimated in a long-distance relationship. And then you know, waiting increases desire.
4. Always be honest with one another
Talk about your worries, jealousies, insecurities. Don’t keep them inside for fear of ruining something, because it will be that lack of sincerity that could lead to the end of your story.
Let your partner listen to you unfiltered and give you the support you need: sometimes misunderstandings can arise and discussing them openly honestly helps to resolve them. It is better to fix a problem at the root rather than when it has already grown.
It is equally important to know when the partner is busy and when he is free during the day, week, month so that you can make a phone call or text without fear of disturbing or fear that the other person will not answer us.
This is also and especially true when you live in different countries with different time zones. Knowing the commitments of the other also helps to feel reciprocally involved in the existence of the partner, it makes us feel close even when we are far away.
6. Send yourself gifts
It will seem trivial but it is not. We all fix our memories in objects: perfume, a book, a photograph, a necklace. And in every memory, there is an emotion: getting the other person an object that evokes a particular moment together can become a gesture of great importance in situations of distance.
The partner will be able to feel closer to you thanks to a ring to wear, an image to stick on the wall of the room, a fragrance that recalls a place visited together.
7. Make sure you see each other regularly
After a period of distance from each other, it is important to organize yourself to see each other. Whether it’s a train, a plane, a car, or miles away, the sacrifice is worth it. Do things together, go back to sharing what you could not share at a distance.
Rediscover your intimacy, your complicity, and do it regularly. Establish, if possible, a maximum time frame during which to stay away and set up meetings. Alternate in the journey but make sure you carve out real and non-virtual moments together.
8. Always experiment with new ways of communicating virtually
There are very different apps that can be used to send text or voice messages (which we have already established are especially important in a long-distance relationship).
On the Lifehack website, a girl recommends Line, an app that allows you to send animated and personalized GIFs for free. Telegraph can be an alternative chat to WhatsApp (which often crashes due to traffic).
Take a look around what the chat market offers (even those videos like Skype, FaceTime, etc.) and keep up to date.
9. Keep up to date with how your friends are doing
Because quite simply, a little good old gossip is good for the spirit. Tell yourselves the news of the company, where your couple of friends went on vacation so you can get ideas for your next trip.
Laugh and joke about futile things, talk about your days and yes, also about the weather, not just about problems. A little breath and lightness will only do you good.
10. Make as many video calls as possible
Still under the heading app, which in the digital age are the salvation (perhaps sometimes even the ruin, but that’s another matter). Listening to your partner’s voice and matching it to her image, albeit blurry and pixelated at times, can change the mood of a gray evening. You can’t touch each other but that hologram on the screen will be the closest thing to a hug.
11. Spend time with yourself and friends, and enjoy it
Being away from the person you love does not make us lonely. We are only if we choose to be. We have ourselves, first of all, whose pleasure we often underestimate the company, and then friends and family.
Indulge in your favorite hobby, go to the pool more often, start a new painting class alone or with your single aunt who doesn’t miss a social event.
Do, act, go out, enjoy the time away from the other person: you will have more things to tell each other when you see each other, you will be richer and more interesting individuals, as well as more serene.
12. Do things together from a distance
Watch a movie at the same time, for example, and then comment on it together. Sign up for the same class at the gym, even if in two different cities.
Play the guitar while on Skype while the other prepares a blueberry pie. Doing things together even when you can’t be together can be the difference. Long live the technology!
13. Give each other funny nicknames
It sounds silly but giving yourself funny nicknames is a technique that makes you feel close. Aside from the usual “love” and “darling”, unleash your creativity and find nice, tender names that remind you of your reciprocal physical or character characteristics. That slightly childish nickname will be able to snatch a smile from you in a moment of rain and clouds (those outsides or those inside).
It sounded silly but it’s not part II. Social networks again because, yes, virtual reality is all we have when we are away. Post a souvenir photo on Instagram of that time you went to Amsterdam to hear the concert of that indie band who didn’t know anyone. Or tag the partner in a post on Facebook that quotes a phrase that you always say to each other in private.
15. Keep the common goal in mind
The bitter truth is that no couple can stay apart forever, so it’s good to have a common goal that represents the end of the tunnel. What will we do in the future? What plans do we have? Will we live together? Where is it? Ask yourself these questions, answer them together, and turn the answers into your two-way purpose. Having something waiting for us after a challenge is what makes us run faster than others.
16. Do similar things
Even when you are different, which can be a good thing (you know, the magnet principle?), Doing similar things can make you feel more united. Suggest books and movies to each other, listen to the same songs and choose the same dish for dinner. Create common topics to share: it will be like being together, almost.
17. Avoid “dangerous” situations
If your roommate has invited you to a maxi party where there will be rivers of alcohol and girls or boys at will, know that situation can make your partner worry. Especially with a middle distance jealousy is a lurking enemy, so don’t underestimate these “dangerous” situations.
Consider carefully if it is appropriate to slip in or if it can be avoided. In case you decide to go to that party, that’s fine, but let the other person know and reassure them about the situation (be careful not to lie: see sincerity question above).
18. Surprise each other
While surprises may not appeal to everyone, when you are in a long-distance relationship, surprises always do. Be found at the station without the other person expecting it, send him a gift, a letter with your perfume on the card, organize a video call with your friends without the partner having any idea, buy that dress that he/she liked her so much and show it on at the first opportunity. At your discretion, surprise each other, and you will not fall into the routine.
19. Stay positive
To survive long distance relationships you need a good dose of positivity injected regularly. It can happen that you will feel lonely, and the other person will miss you like air. Write it down if you need it, look at the positive energy in black and white and make sure you feel it.
Be grateful that you have a person to love and who loves you. Be grateful for the little gestures you receive such as the message that is there every morning in your mail waiting to be read, be grateful for the opportunities you have to see others and be together.
For your long-distance relationship to last, psychology states, it is important that you and your partner experience it in the same way, that is, with the same goals and sharing the same idea of the future.
Talk about it in great sincerity as soon as possible: What do you want from this story? Do you consider yourself two dating or real boyfriends? And would you like to get closer together in the future? Would you like to live together sooner or later? And a family?
Would you be willing to change cities sooner or later if the relationship becomes serious? Of course, it is not easy to tackle such complex issues, but it is good to be clear immediately.